Mom of one... Until further notice!

Mom of one... Until further notice!

For those who are in a relationship, married, or single with one child or none, have you ever been asked by your parents "muchacha cuando tu vas a tener un hijo?" (When are you having a kid?), or "Estan planeando tener el otro hijo ya?" (Are you guys planning to have the next kid anytime soon?). And if you do have one they'll say, “You know you have to give them a sibling so they won’t be by themselves.”, and “you have to have the next child right away, so they can be close together in age." I can't believe that in my culture you can be pressured into having kids.

Its been 10 years (just my kid and I) and questions are still being asked. Reminiscing about the holidays during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years when the family comes together, I remember there’s always an aunt or uncle asking me "Tu no quiere mas hijos?" (Do you not want more kids?). My response is always the same, “for now it’s just that one”. They would look at me like I'm crazy and go on with their stories on how they grew up with many siblings and so on. Both my parents come from big families. Having as many as 15 siblings each. That’s how it was back in the days though, our grandparents having multiple kids like it was nothing "En lo campo" (the country side).

Every time they ask, I want to scream at them. STOP ASKING ME WHEN I’M HAVING MY NEXT CHILD!!! It’s not that I don’t want anymore kids is just that my time for having more kids hasn't come yet. I haven’t met that person where I can say he's the right one for me to take those steps with.

My relationship with my baby's father ended when my child was still pretty young. He moved on and had more kids. As that relationship ended, I had decided to not have kids with just anybody. I got older and wiser. I didn’t just want to have a kid with the next guy I met and go through the same struggle. I was young when I had my child, not finishing school, and depending on my partner at the time. I didn’t hold my own and neither did he. Financially we were not stable. We moved from place to place.

My true response to these questions is, First let’s find a man who is responsible. Second, he has to have a legitimate job and not be from the streets, and lastly, he has to be serious about his relationship with a woman. Can’t bring a kid into this world with all these flaws. I can’t be young and dumb again. The real reason is i haven't found anybody yet and the first time around i was not married. So maybe this time, I do want to get married and have kids after all. Like “the right way” this time.

I do get annoyed when I'm being asked these questions. I get mad because people find appropriate to ask because I already have a kid. It's not like they are  going to help me take care of them. Do I want more kids? Yes, eventually, but right now if I don’t have anymore I'm ok with that. Nowadays having kids isn't easy. With cost of living going up, it's hard to even support oneself. You want to make sure you and your partner are stable and the relationship is healthy. You guys both have to want the same thing. Sometimes I don’t think our family members realize that having kids is not the same as before. So, they say things like you’re getting too old, you won’t be able to have kids later or do you want your child to grow up alone. Are they going to take care of the kids? NO! I know that my mother was 17 when she had her first child and by the age of 21 already had three kids. She was young and made it work. I always look back and admire her for having 3 kids and dealing with it. And the getting old part doesn’t matter. Nowadays many women are having kids at a much later time. 

Bonding: When nature fails nurture prevails.

Bonding: When nature fails nurture prevails.

Co-Parenting: Let's make the best out of this.

Co-Parenting: Let's make the best out of this.

0