Second Time Around
Having a baby at the age of 20 and having my second child at the age of 30 were two totally different experiences. I got a taste of both worlds and I reflect all the time on how motherhood has made me the woman I am today. Through the struggles of my first born and the learnings of my second child, no matter how or when you do it, I learned it is a test of the soul that helps you grow and experience a love like no other. Here is my experience becoming a mother the second time around.
I had my first daughter at the age of 20 in the middle of my college years to my first love. The first time around I was unaware and not connected to my whole pregnancy journey. At that age my focus was more on me and how it was going to affect me rather than the experience and relationship I was about to embark. The first time around I was only engaged and still in the growing phase of my relationship, not only with my partner but also with myself. It was a lot of changes because there were so many moving parts in my life, school, work, boyfriend vs. fiancé, living with my parents to living with my boyfriend, and growing as I had just left my teen years all took over the plate and left little room to focus on the pregnancy.
Putting that into perspective I now can say a positive about being pregnant at 20 was that there was very little to worry about when it came to my pregnancy. I didn’t have fear or the feeling that something can go wrong and I didn’t take any of the precautions I had to take during my second pregnancy. During my second pregnancy I had a lot of medical complications that kept me on edge. On the other hand, a positive of my second pregnancy was that despite all the fears I was more aware this time around. There was a bond that was created from day one with my child, her sister, my husband, and myself. I was really mindful of how this pregnancy was affecting everything around me and I got to see how my life was changing and I ENJOYED IT. Unlike the first time I cherish every stage of my pregnancy and I took a lot of pictures.
Now that I am all hands on and embracing motherhood I must say it is another learning curve. I have no real advice on coping because it is something I am working through each day. I simply just try to remember to take my vitamins and eat more than just once a day. My approach is that I don't have time to take a decent shower, let alone be stressed. Tiredness is one feeling I have become quite familiar with. Some of my fellow mom friends tell me to nap when she is napping but that is the only time I get to straighten up around the house and to dedicate some time to my oldest. A bonus is that my husband and I have flexibility with our work schedule which allows us to balance work and her care.
Despite all this one emotion I do feel immensely is Love. This new baby has allowed me to fall in love every day with my girls, my husband, my life, and all of those in it. As for my marriage, I feel like it has bought us closer together. I have a different respect for my husband after seeing how he has stepped up to the plate. We are more of a team now.
As you can see at 20 or at 30 there are ups and downs. One advice that I would give any new mom is to embrace every minute of your pregnancy. The bond between you and your baby starts from the time they are in the womb. Take it one day at a time and don’t try to do it alone, involve those around you and just know some days are better than others.
As for the third time around, HAHA! If you would had asked me 3 weeks ago I would had said hell no!!! But on good days like today, yes I do want more kids and I hope to enjoy and keep learning through each and every pregnancy.