Why Men Won’t Do Anything For Girls Like The Movies Depict.
A confession by: Anthony Genao
The biggest misconception in watching a romantic comedy is that somehow, in some magical way, the guy that you’re watching it with will turn into the prince charming Hollywood wrote about. Subconsciously, at least for me, we know certain women ask the million dollar question: why can’t he do that? In this piece, I’ll tell you why certain things cannot be achieved and other things can be attained but not on your time.
First and foremost, the number one rule about men is the following: no man is going to do what you want him to do on your time. Hell, most men can’t even do what they want to do on their own time, yet alone someone else’s. You can teach romance, you can’t teach passion. You can teach detail orientation, you can’t teach thoughtfulness. And it is this divide mentality that needs to be clear in everyone’s mind, because we tend to mix everything together, and slowly piece our own Hollywood story of expectations. What ends up happening if not careful, is that some men in relationships are put through a vigorous microscope of what their partner feels like they should be doing. This especially can come from real life experiences too. The random flowers your coworkers gets on a Tuesday, the three page letter your best friend got from her man, and the larger than life teddy bear your sister got from an admirer, do not help the cause at all. Mix that with films portraying the hopeless romantic who seems to only want the undying love of the female lead and what do you get? A 24 hour coverage of what the male counterpart “should” be doing to maintain that spark in a relationship.
Truth of the matter is: if you didn’t meet him on a white pale horse, he’s not going horseback riding anytime soon. What I mean by that is, work with what you got. You can plant certain seeds in your man’s mind, and it is really up to him whether or not he wants to water it. Tell him about times you were thoughtful with someone else, a different type of relationship (for your mom, your sister, or a coworker). All men are like trains, ladies. Some of us are automatic and seamless, others are coal powered and rough. But we all move in a direction, sometimes not the best one, but we move nonetheless. If you teach him about different stops in your life, maybe he will want to stop at your destination. Or not. And you need to be ready for that as well. We already feel like 80% of things portrayed in movies are lame or corny in some way. So condition, condition, condition. You expect luxurious rich hair, so you take precautionary steps in order to achieve that. You want that promotion at work, so you take the necessary steps to ensure that. Same concept can be applied in your relationship as to certain things you want. However, please be aware of the line between what you desire, and what you expect. I can write a whole other piece on how quickly that line gets blurred, and how many relationships produce an expiration date due to misplaced expectations and unrealistic standards.
Instead, lightly suggest certain things to your loved one, while practicing what you’re preaching with other people. This will make the seed grow into a plant of possibilities. Before you know it, he will be doing small and thoughtful gestures all the time, JUST to see you smile.
Stay away from the side nudge followed by the “why can’t you do that” questionnaire. It is the quickest way for a seed to stay stale and with that, your relationship and the details that made it wonderful in the first place. Suggest! Don’t inquire. Inspire! Don’t expect. And if it’s one thing you can take away from this is: time is relative. We all have different speeds on what we want to do. You are a reflection of the company you keep. If we hold both these truths to be self evident, then BE the change you want to see in your man, especially in the romantic department. I’m Anthony Genao, and I love you for free.