Pay Attention! Evaluate Your Dating Habits.

Pay Attention! Evaluate Your Dating Habits.

You ever sit back and ask yourself "why am I single?" And no, not when you see others around you or when you're looking at a friend's Instagram posts smiling up under their loved one, but those moments when you're clear minded. When you actually have the time to write the pros and the cons you possess, and come up with a logical explanation. If you answered no, it's ok. Many of us haven't. Now, how many times have you spoken about a person not being good for you, how someone fu*ked up, or how an old situation wasn't the best and you're so glad you got out of it? If you're honest, I'm sure it's at least been once. What's my point? It's easy to talk about what others may have lost, didn't appreciate, or even didn't respect, but it's even harder to mention the things we did wrong. Even in those hurtful relationships where you were clearly the victim, (aka the "hurt bae"), there's a lesson to be learned on your part. You know exactly what "they" did or didn't, but do you know what you could've done differently or possibly changed? The same way we pay attention to what others do for results, is the same way we should pay attention to ourselves. What we do in certain situations can help us for future endeavors. 

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The best way one can improve their relationships, dating experiences, and love aspirations is through experience. We can pick up on signs better because we've "been there and done that" in the past. But, it's the things we did or didn't do that can help us realize what we should or shouldn't be doing in the future. For instance, cheating is something no one should aim for. But, if you never showed the proper attention that person deserved and they cheated on you, there's an opportunity. That opportunity will make you more knowledgeable and will help you to possibly never be cheated on again, at least for that reason. You see, in order to pay attention to someone and understand the things they like/don't like, one must 1st acknowledge what they can and possibly may need to learn in order to do so. Your experiences will lead to better ones. If you slacked in Social Studies because you didn't study the best, the next semester you know what your opportunity is. That can really help with your relationships going forward because you know what you can do better to prevent this or that from reoccurring. It also will help you see what you won't tolerate at a quicker pace. You know what you didn't like experiencing or what your ex partner didn't like experiencing from you, so you know to possibly avoid those negatives for more positive outcomes. Self evaluation is one of the hardest things to do in a relationship, or even when single, but when done, it will make you view things differently.

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You could be single, in a relationship, married, or divorced. Nevertheless, you're still not perfect. As much as someone you used to date or currently date they can improve, so can you. Constant improvement on your actions and decisions will only lead to better actions and decisions. You are your toughest critic when it comes to your heart, and we tend to forget the other person we're interested in also has one of their own. Respect, which is pivotal in a relationship, will grow tremendously if we're constantly trying to improve oneself for the greater cause: us. You can't expect everyone to "get better" at loving you, if you can't "get better" at loving others. What you did or didn't do in the past will help with your future if you address it present day. Let that sink in, so love can overflow from our hearts. 

 

-Lamell R.

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