Dating Apps or Dating Oops
When I found myself a single mother of two I found no interest in dating or getting to know anyone, especially after my experience through divorce. I was fine with going to work, taking care of my kids, and making sure everything is taken care of financially. Four and a half years later, possibly due to convenience, I find myself diving into dating apps and through them dating some very interesting men. I began my online dating experience on OkCupid or as the cyber world refers to it OKC. I thought OKC was a pretty good app and even met a long term friend through it. However, despite that one great connection, I am began to run into a few dead ends, or even scary alleys. A few quick coffee meet and greets have not been what I expected. I guess with every good app it is only a matter of time before it no longer is effective or worth using.
With online dating, you never know what you are going to get, but I hope through sharing this I can give you some pointers or caution signs. First thing is that some of these men and women take the experience in hopes to to find the perfect mate. I must be honest and state that I also made that same mistake. In my opinion and based on my recent experience, I don’t think that mind state is the best approach. I went into dating on apps thinking I will find the perfect person, when in reality no one is perfect not even oneself especially after my haitus. Take the xpereince one at a time without putting too much pressure on others and yourself. The first date won't lead to happily ever after and that is ok. I also learned that different people also want different things and that is not so apparent in a profile preview.
People end up on apps for different intentions. Some people want to find love, others might just be looking for a booty call, and I found that the latter are much more straightforward about their intentions. One big lesson is to learn someone’s intention behind their profile and weed out those that are not on my same page. Whether it could be to find love, to find attention or affection, or even someone honestly finding a partner they can fulfill their emotional and physical needs. Be as straight forward with your own intentions as you want others to be.
Since OKC took a turn, I recently decided to give Match.com a try. A paid app. A wise man once told me “Maybe the reason why you can’t meet anyone on OKC is because it’s free. You are basically getting what you paid for.” This made perfect sense to me based on the people I was meeting off the free apps. I mean who was I expecting to meet? Let me pose some questions to my audience though: Was I meeting some crazy individuals? Yes. Were they also looking for love? Yes.
My perception about the people on these apps is that the majority of them were seriously looking for a relationship and some even love but they just didn't feel comfortable admitting it on the first date.
Match.com, per it’s marketing, deemed to be different, so I thought. I felt as though now I had leveled up by paying a third party to essentially find love. First call out as I browse through the profiles, I couldn’t help but see an overwhelming amount of white people on this app. Now I get it they can probably afford to drop a couple of hundreds to find love, however, where are my black and Latino men on this dating app? Sad part is when I do find some men of color they will have a username on their profile, like smash king 101. No one wants to talk to a smash king. I don’t want to smash! I want to get to know you and see if we are a match. Now I may have set high expectations for myself, ones which I need to just identify, because sometimes, I really do sit and think what are those expectations that I have set and how come I don’t have the same standards for everyone?
Wait, even that word, standards. Why do standards exist when you're looking for love? Why not just enjoy the moment of meeting people without giving too much stress on it. Go in for the experience and let the outcome surprise you. I have only tried Match.com for a few days now but I am much more open to it than I was when I first started. I am hopeful that some interesting conversations will spark up in the next couple of days.
To wrap things up, I want you to think about a few things before trying a dating app.
- Be honest with yourself (why are you creating this profile?)
- Be direct in your profile (Some men do actually read it)
- Use most recent pictures (Being cat fished is the worse)
- Identify your needs and be explicitly clear about your needs on your profile
- Be open minded and don’t judge a book by its cover
Don’t go all at once to download a dating app. Really think about it before you do! Happy dating everyone!