What Happened?

What Happened?

Not even sure where to start but we start from here, this exact moment as I am writing. Here I am back to it. Am I back to it? Well I want to think that I am. I am. (This is me declaring that I am!) I am writing and creating content but for 6 entire months I did nothing. I gave myself a bunch of excuses, life gave me a bunch of curve balls, and my friends were all busy so I pretended I was too. Now I am ready to talk about what happened.

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Around April, after our group trip to Greece, I changed. I was on this personal development trajectory since 2013 where the focus was on growth and pushing myself but at this point I fizzled down. I began to crumble. It all felt like I was slowly getting into fetal position and giving up. I had this overall feeling that things were becoming stagnant and stale, or even going reverse. Before Greece, I started to experience a health concern that led me to cut out a lot of vices for a period of time. While on the trip I experienced my first anxiety attack. At the moment I felt like both my body and mind ‘turned on me,’ but in hindsight, it was my body and mind preparing to change course. Sometimes we are on a path and we need to reroute but we don’t listen, we keep pushing until something intervenes. This is what happened with me. After returning from Greece, I embarked in a no vice journey getting rid of social media, liquor, and weed for 60 days to help reset things. It was the beginning of Spring so what a perfect time for a reset. Unfortunately, not only did I take a break from my vices, but also from all my aspirations. I took a vacation from me and everything stopped.

I gave in to this feeling and lifestyle. I was discouraged, lazy, unmotivated, and confused. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and where I wanted to go from here. I also was tired of lessons, of growth, and of the rat race that became being better than yesterday. Yes, that can get tiring too. I also felt like my private life needed some attention. Maybe if I would put these parts of me on pause this will cause some other aspects of my life to change. I focused on my 9-5 career, on my health, and on my dating life. All things I was neglecting. Now, in foresight, I want to kick myself. There is never a good reason to give up. We balance, we juggle, we make it work, we don’t quit!

Another explanation of what happened was that I didn’t plan properly for the future. Once I felt Morir Soñando became an established brand and platform I totally forgot about it’s growth plan. The blueprint was done, the building was done, the ribbon cutting ceremony happened, we made it passed a year, and now what? Now we have to grow and continue to push through. But I forgot to plan for that. I didn’t see pass the now. Maybe also my fiery Aries energy was all over the place and didn't know how to actually see through a project. I wrote a piece at the beginning about my experience getting Aura readings and vividly remember the reader telling me I have a lot of goals but don’t see them through, I needed to operate small. And look where I was, letting the fire die down and using a bunch of bullshit excuses to allow me to let things go.

I also felt discouraged. I started to compare myself to others and through immense admiration for their work I felt like I caved in. I didn’t feel up to par. I also was highly annoyed of the amount of people spilling content and even some using our same formula. I spoke to my partners and some close friends and with their guidance I was able to work through these feelings. Now I remind myself of their advice to avoid falling into that negative pitfall. I learn that I am different, my perspective is different, and at the end of the day I am doing this for me. Even if I help or provide solace for one person that makes a difference. I took some time to do some self reflection and realized I am my own way, a completely different version. I love that I am rough around the edges and genuine, and this whole journey has been of self discovery and self exposure so that I can grow and learn as I do this. That is enough reason to give my own voice life.

After working through these feelings I looked in the mirror and asked what else is missing. I wasn’t happy despite the 6 month break I took. I missed my drive and passion. But all that came from me. Nothing or no one can give you that. I had more ideas, more projects, more aspirations, but how can I go forth with them if this one is on hold. I never wanted to let go, and I never wanted just to be 9-5, mom Aura. I always wanted to explore and feed my creative skills. I love to write. I love to show my perception on things by telling stories and giving my account on the lessons life has given me. Including this one. We all go through it. We all have days, or in my experience 6 whole months where life “gets in the way” and we allow excuses to control us. I am happy to learn from theses 6+ months and be able to see the silver lining. And to my surprise more projects came my way. I have found different interests to work on and I totally believe this was God’s way of telling me he wasn’t done with me. And through it all I am happy to say that at least I want to keep going and I CAN keep going. I picked up where I left off and I am once again “getting in my bag” and doing what I need to. Even being able to say I finished one piece is a huge accomplishment.

I reached out to some of my fave bloggers and IG influencers and asked for advice. Who knows when I’ll feel this way again ,so I want to be equipped and ready to never give up again.

Here is what they had to share <3

@allureemichelle: I don’t always feel motivated and honestly it’s still a work in progress for me. I think taking mental breaks is just necessary or else we crash. I also think social media sometimes pressures us to be at levels that aren’t ideal. However, we must constantly remind ourselves that we each have our own pace and story. So I try to remind myself that constantly. As far as creating content I am still a rookie but I just pour my heart out with whatever I am feeling at the moment and whatever I am comfortable sharing. For instance, I am very private when it comes to my relationship but for the most part I’m up for sharing anything bc I hope to help someone else going through it. We ALL go through it and we just have to remind ourselves that slowing down is okay as long as you don’t quit. I find that following other content creators helps A LOT bc it helps inspire me as well. You had courage to say ‘damn it’s been 6 months let me get back.’ Some just let their minds get to them and quit because they think ‘omg I’ve been gone too long, now I can’t go back.’ So give yourself credit girl YOU GOT THIS!xoxoxo”

@suzzstravels “Sometimes it can be discouraging when you take the time to create content and people might not seem as responsive as you’d like, or when you see people book our fares, using our guides, visiting places we suggested but they won’t credit our work. All of this can take a toll on you and make you feel discouraged. It can make you feel like there’s no point in continuing if those who are suppose to help you grow by just crediting your work are  preventing your growth by not acknowledging the source. However you need to take a step back and remember why you started to share it in the first place. I did it so that it helps others travel more often and to facilitate their travels. If you’re passionate about it let your passion guide you. I also allow myself to take a couple days off sometimes for my own health because it can be overwhelming to constantly be working. If I’m not feeling something I don’t force it.”

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