Dating A Single Mom ft. Platanos & Collard Green Podcast

Dating A Single Mom ft. Platanos & Collard Green Podcast

A little birdie put us onto a really cool podcast called Platanos & Collard Greens. We don’t know the members but because we like to share with you all the great things we come across we are spreading the word. The Platanos & Collard Greens Podcast is self-described as “A home for us, and you all, to listen, speak and discuss everything under the sun, from a Dominican & an African-American.” Sounds right up our alley!

We tuned to episode 13 that featured Heights own DaVinci (@davincibeau). They spoke on topics such as music, sliding into dms, basketball, being raised by strong mothers, and dating single moms. Now that last topic was one the team was eager to hear them speak on. Milf Livin’ Must! We must say we paused the episode and prepared for the worse.

Many times, you hear “Nah I don’t date chicks with kids!” I (single mom #1) even found myself “talking” to someone who told me, “This will never go anywhere. You have a kid. My mom won’t fuck with you like that!” Uhhh excuse me?! What? Is your mom raising my kid? I do understand there are some horror stories out there with baby mommas and baby daddies that can scare anyone away. I personally didn’t date men with children before. I was naïve and now that I find myself on the other side I do see it in different light.

So, because 3 of us are/were single moms, we decided to press PLAY and see what they had to say. It was surprising and refreshing to hear these men bring light to this subject. Many of us were raised by single moms, and now, we deal with it in our dating lives. Dating after a certain age is expected that people come with a past and sometimes that past includes a child or two.

The Platanos & Collard Greens Podcast touched on many issues that one faces when dating someone with children. Let’s discuss and put the Morir Soñando single mom input!

 

 

Platanos & Collard Green's Episode #13:

The DaVinci Code ft. DAVINICI

DATING A SINGLE MOM RECAP
 

 

Topic #1: Who is the baby daddy?

Platanos & Collard Greens Says:

Do your homework to see how tough her baby father is. At some point the child is going to fuck with you more than the dad, and the dad is going to feel some type of way. If he tough he will beat you the fuck up. But if he not… fuck out “I am the father now, what's up!” Date her if he not tough. If baby father has a tear tattoo and above 6 feet ask her what kind of relationship she has with him. Do I need to meet him? Take him to Brunch.

Morir Soñando Says:

“I rather you not! I understand you are doing this to protect yourself but if you dating some like myself that has establish certain boundaries with my daughter’s father it is not likely that you will ever cross paths. Plus, I don’t want him to be a reflection of where I am today. He was someone I dated at a younger age and life is so different now.”

 

Topic #2: Dating single mom, focus on her, not the child.

Platanos & Collard Greens Says:

The child is not your responsibility until it is your responsibility. When you meet her at first focus on her and not her personal life. Don’t act like the child is not there but know that it is not your responsibility, and you should not overstep those boundaries. But when in time you build that bond with her child then you feel attached to the child.

Morir Soñando Says:

Correct. Please allow me to pace the relationship you will have with my child. In the beginning of a relationship we are still figuring things out and who knows what will unfold. You might be just a friend, someone I date, or a booty call. Too early to call so I don’t want my child meeting you until I know if this will be something serious. Right now you don’t even know if you like me because is too fresh. I think you need to develop a strong foundation with me before you meet my child.

 

Topic #3: Don’t knock off a good situation with a someone because of a child. Many reasons she is a single mom.

Platanos & Collard Greens Says:

Father could be in jail. Father could be dead. Mad different things. It didn’t work out. She could of been raped. Don’t condemn her because she has a child. You are blocking your blessings in meeting a great woman that could be perfect for you.

Morir Soñando Says:

Single Mom Opinion #1

Definitely don't condemn her because she has a child. Especially in the society we are living in. Where men are not sticking around and taking responsible for their children. Unfortunate things also happen people died and no one can control that situation.

Single Mom Opinion #2

“I think this is important to know because we all know of the girl that traps dudes. If she still is butt hurt about her relationship this will affect your dating experience with her. Also if you know things like he is not around, he is in jail, he passed away, she left him. That gives you insight into what to be in store for.”

 

 

Topic #4: Don’t bring your child around every dude you date.

Platanos & Collard Greens Says:

Single Mom Opinion #1Women need to do a better job at bringing every dude around their kid if you're not going to deal with him for a long time or he not going to be a man. If you don’t see yourself probably having another kid with this man stop bringing your kid around them so much. Kids get attached. Kids learned things. They are like sponges. It is not as bad to deal with someone with a kid as long as she is respectable about you not being around her kid.

Morir Soñando Says:

Single Mom #1

I learned this the hard way. Even after dating someone for almost 2 years it was the wrong choice to have him be so involved with my daughter. After the break up she will still ask for him. She got used to him being in our home and she gained a bond at the young age of 2. I think we need to set filters and boundaries because when we break up you also unfortunately break up with my child. Also take in mind that both parties need to be ready. My child and the man I date need to be both ready for that step.

Single Mom #2:

I was always a person who knew those boundaries and was very picky about who meets my child. After dating someone for almost 2yrs. This person beg to meet my child due to we were taking the step to actually moving in together to another state and talking about having another child. Surprising the relationship went downhill fast. It was upsetting to me cause i never took that step with any guy and the fact that my child actually bounded with him to then go from we don’t talk about him at all. It was a lesson for me to learn from but at the same time i should've listened to my gut feeling. So, my advice will be if a guy is not hundred percent sure don’t even ask or beg to meet the child. Let time tell if this is really something you want to take up bond.

Single Mom #3:

This is vice versa because some guys can be misleading and lead you to believe they want to be serious with you. So, yes, please stop playing house and pretending like you want to be form a bond with my child if I am simply not someone you see a future with. Make it clear to me even if you don't know where you see us.

        

Topic #5Why is she dating? Out of spite? Pettiness? Unfinished baby daddy issues?

Platanos & Collard Greens Says:

I have seen a lot of baby moms deal with a dude just cause out of spite. Her baby father cheated or ran out and did some crazy shit. Now they want to involve this young man. Some people even lost their lives because girl was playing with someone else and baby father felt some type of way.

Morir Soñando Says:  

I have seen this as well and it is troubling. Sometimes when the relationship between the parents is too fresh things can be blurry. She could still be messing with her baby daddy or he doesn’t want to let go. Also there might not be any boundaries set in place. I think this is why you must tread lightly and be aware of major signs at the beginning of the relationship. Maybe check how long she has been separated for and probably find out if she's still hurt by how things feel apart. You can be with a girl and date her and if her baby daddy is willing to offer change she might drop you to go back. But if she is the one that ended things and decided to move forward she might show you she is committed to her future rather than remaining hopeful of her past.

 

Topic #6: The kid is your responsibility as soon as you start talking to the girl.

Platanos & Collard Greens Says:

Disclaimer: Not all members of P&C agreed on this one so here are some POVs.

P&C POV #1 “As soon as you start messing with a chick that has a child that is your responsibility. If you are spending time with her you are taking time away from her and her kid. At some point you are going to have to start spending time with her and the child. So you can’t come to the situation saying you not responsible for the child. Also she might not have the means for a sitter or support system all the time to help with the child so the child might be around you.”

P&C POV #2: “It should only get to that point once you know that you plan to be around for a long time. Don’t meet the kid until it starts to get real. Know about the child be aware, but don’t  need to know the child until it is serious. How about shorty just want to hit you to. She a mom and she dealing with a nigga and she just wants to hit you too.

Morir Soñando Says:

Single Mom #1

Disagree with POV #1 and agree with POV #2. Hopefully in the ideal situation she has a great partnership and is co parenting with her child's father. They handle expenses and the child’s care amicably. BUT more often than not that is not the case. This doesn’t mean you pick up the slack. If you are dating the girl for multiple years and met her child then gifts and treats are fine but not until you have entered their lives and you guys decide to either get married or live together should you feel that you need provide or take responsibility for the child.

I do understand that not all mothers have help and sometimes this makes dating hard. And god bless POV #1 for still being open to date someone that has their kid around at all times as this is hard but if the mom is open to date then she should be ready for what it comes with. If she has to take the child along on the date that is fine but to understand that the man she is dating is not obligated to take responsibility for the child. Also, consider getting better friends that can baby sit :)

Single Mom #2:

I don't think it is anyone responsibly to be my child's father or to take on that role. But I am big believer that if you love me you should respect and love my child.

-The End


Platanos and Collard Greens took this topic and nailed it on the head. From when to introduce your kids, to being raised by a single mom, and taking responsibility for the single mom epidemic, these gentlemen have used this platform to bring light to such a popular social issue. We hope you enjoyed our recap but this doesn’t serve it justice how well this topic was handled. With this being said we want you to encourage you to check out Platanos & Collard Greens Podcast. We loved this and other episodes as these very mature gentlemen bring a refreshing point of view to many important topics.

 

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