Millennials Dating the Old School Way
There's a saying, “If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten”… and my oh my, may I tell you that the quote rings absolutely true. Being in relationships in this self-indulgent, prideful, technological era has become more and more difficult. Having thousands, sometimes millions, of people available at your fingertips whether you are deciding to swipe right or slide into those DMs.
Being with ONE person, not to mention remaining faithful, is starting to become a much more difficult task than it was during our grandparents or parents time. They grew up with the idea that having a family, a husband that both depended on you as much as you did him, kids that you could raise with strong morals, and a home purchased with both love and teamwork from your significant other, was the correct way for things to go… Como dice la biblia (the way the bible says). Yet you grow up and things change, you must learn to take care of yourself. “Primero yo, segunda yo, y tercera yo” (I come first, second, and third), as Mami always told me. So how exactly do you grow to love someone, build with them, and help each other become who you each want to be when you are told one thing, shown another, and handed on a silver platter the key to ruin it all.
When my boyfriend and I first began dating, everything was of course all fine and dandy. We didn’t know each other’s bad habits or attitude problems, and we definitely weren’t around each other enough to know our mood swings. So when we actually started our relationship and all the bad skeletons began to come out of the closet it was definitely Fight or Flight. “I don’t know if I can deal with your attitude”, “All we’ve been doing is fighting” it was NONSTOP. But like I said, it was FIGHT orrrr FLIGHT. Either we do what we need to do to fix this and get back to being happy, or we dip and each go our separate ways. Personally, I am a flyer…. As soon as things get tough I branch out my pretty wings and fly away. Most people would call me brave or heartless when I was a teenager because everytime a boy would even dare do something that would hurt me, I would leave him instantly and never look back. But with this man, I really had to sit and think to myself, “Do you want to be a coward again? Running away when things get tough? Are you going to spend your whole life running? Going from one man to the next” … I felt like a crazy person talking to myself, so I began to listen to music. I love throwbacks and I stumbled upon Lyfe Jennings “Must Be Nice” … “Ayo you, You that just flipped on the CD player, I just want to inform you, that when you got somebody good… You hold on to em..” That intro was all I needed to hear to turn my reflexes from Flight to Fight. I know he is a man of good, who wants to give good and be given good in return, I had to hold on to him.
Him and I then sat down with each other and set boundaries. Things that we felt needed to happen for the other to be at peace. "Delete your exes from social media". He didn’t like that they would slide in my inbox, even though I did not respond or gave them the time of day. It was disrespectful for them to see pictures of him throughout my Instagram and still have the balls to slide in. So I did.
No more arguing through texts. Feelings, attitudes, yelling, punctuation, capitalization, it all gets misconstrued when it comes to text messages. Sometimes he would “calmly” say something and I would begin to spazz because I thought his tone was crazy. We would end up arguing when it shouldn’t have led to that. We also had to stop using our phones when we were together. Especially during these beginning stages of relationships, we are all always so stuck on our phones, at restaurants, in the car, in bed, and it takes away the focus of getting to know each other. But mainly, we had to find new ways to argue. We both felt that our arguments were getting repetitive, constantly yelling, pointing fingers at one another, and never really getting our point across. We began to simply sit down with each other, vent what was bothering us, while the other listened, and I mean truly listened. It was more of passing the mic, rather than constantly talking over the other. And was important for us to express to the other exactly what we are feeling and why. I am usually the person to get mad at something and just wait till I get over it, but I have noticed that when I don’t express (or he doesn’t) exactly why we got mad and what made us mad, the other tends to continue doing the same thing and again a repetitive cycle.
Now, I am not telling you to pull your hairs out trying to make something work with someone who is not trying. What I am saying is don’t let this generation full of pride take away someone that can bring something magical to your life. Don’t let any of your friends convince you to “Sueltalo en banda” (Let them go), when you truly feel that he is the right man for you. Life is full of trials and tribulations, and so is a relationship. Nothing good comes easy, and although this generation has taught you so much about how “These hoes aint loyal” and nothing about being “Dangerously in love” just be sure to try and make it worth with whom you feel is right for you, even if it doesn’t work out, at least you tried your best to do things the right way. And with this I will finish off the quote I began with… "If you always do what you have always done, You will always get what you have always gotten". And although what I got had its perks, I’m looking for something different now.